In this week’s episode Redefining Wealth, I am sharing the 3 ways you can know for certain if you’re unfulfilled.
I was meeting with a client the other day and she asked me a question. She asked why I focus so much on purpose and fulfillment. I was shocked.
In my years of teaching these concepts, it felt like old news to me. I’ve covered it so many times, so I mistakenly assumed that we all “get” the concept of purpose and fulfillment.
But the beautiful thing about client conversations is, you learn that we are all on a different stage of this journey called personal growth. That conversation was so insightful because it prompted me to return to the concept of fulfillment and explain a little more about what it is and how you know if you need it.
Fulfillment is alignment. It is when your God-given gifts align with a mission to help people. Fulfillment feels incredible, and we all deserve it.
The problem is…most of us don’t know whether we have it or not. So let’s get clear! Today I am going to share the 3 ways you can know for sure if you are not fulfilled YET, and what to do about it.
Let’s get started…
- External achievements do not bring lasting joy the way you thought they would
There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things. Especially if you grew up in scarcity, it feels so exciting to be able to take care of yourself and purchase things that excite you. However. The first sign of unfulfillment is the chase – someone who chases stuff relentlessly to fill a void.
The chaser cannot wait to buy that new car. They have that pair of shoes on their vision board. They will be happier when they get that C-suite position. This person will be happier when those things happen, right? Or…will they?
If you have aspired for more, congratulations. But more can also mean internal prosperity, and you are worthy of that too.
This might be you if you struggle to say no to people or no to projects or events. If you feel bad disappointing people constantly, please realize that you are not aligned. This is no way to be. Craving external validation can only take you so far, and is a temporary fix to a void that will still be there later.
- You have the constant feeling something is missing.
Unfulfilled people have emotions in places that might be surprising. Throughout the day, they will get spontaneous bursts of sorrow and sadness, irritation or anger, or annoyance.
If something about your life doesn’t sit right with you, you might be unfulfilled.
There is something I say to my clients constantly: “When you’re not in alignment, and you’re not in aligned spaces, it will make you question your God-given gifts.”
These are facts. If you’ve been having an existential crisis, questioning your talents and your desires, you might just be at the wrong place with the wrong people. It is okay to acknowledge that.
Consider for a moment what it feels like for you to go to work, for you to come home to that person, etc. What does not feel aligned for you? What is feeling off?
Often when I ask my clients this question, I am met with some resistance. We are taught that we should just be grateful. After all, we’re so lucky to be where we are! However, purpose is about more than just doing what we’re told and being grateful for it. It’s about striving and exploring your desires and gifts.
Stop being held hostage to your ideas and dreams from 10 years ago.
We live in an abundant universe – go explore it! You can be grateful for what you have and still desire more.
- You are buying people and buying things.
This is a big one. If you’re buying people and buying things, you are not fulfilled.
I see this a lot in people who are trying to cope. Truly, when we are struggling, we do what we can! We buy things to fill a void. And we buy people to fill a void too.
Now when I say “buy people,” what am I saying? Well, I am saying that if you consider yourself “always a giver,” you might actually be buying love and buying respect or control on accident. You are generous and that’s wonderful, but there might be more to this than you thought. When you do this, you are actually making a bid for more of an investment in that person’s life. You want them to appreciate you, to love and accept you. But when I see my clients doing this – I say, “You don’t have a budgeting problem, it is a people problem.”
This is a very real phenomenon. What if people loved and accepted you just for showing up? What if you didn’t have to help them out or foot the bill or help them move or attend that one event? What if you are just a great friend and a great listener?
This is also called a savior complex and I understand. This people-pleasing behavior also goes hand-in-hand with addiction because these are all coping mechanisms.
I want to share a personal story with you.
Once upon a time, years ago, I had a job at a real estate office owned by a successful family member. There were so many great things about this job and this business, but I did not feel like myself there. Something about it was just wrong, and I stayed because I care about my family. I did not want to let anybody down, ever.
At first, I would call my mother and my grandmother on the way to work, frustrated by this work environment and its misalignment with who I am inside. I would ask them to pray for me. I wanted their support. But what I really wanted was permission to leave.
Months later, I made a visit to the liquor store down the block. I needed to take the edge off. It was a long day! That day, I learned about baileys in your coffee and how easy it was to just…drink a little, all the time.
This went on, and on, and on. I was drinking every day and I did not feel good. Except one day I walked into the liquor store and they had the little bottle of bailey’s waiting for me, and I felt a panic. This was not in my character!
Nothing I did was illegal. I was over 21. I am an adult and I can do whatever I want. But I knew it was wrong, at a soul level. Because it was not in alignment with who I am, at all.
After that, I left my job at that real estate office. It was painful. The effects were felt in my family for years. And I know that people felt angry or upset with me. But I also realized that I did not want to be there forever, because it was not in alignment with my personality or energy.
I tell you all of this to inspire you to ask yourself:
What are some of the things you are normalizing just to cope?
Okay, we’ve talked about the 3 ways to know that you are unfulfilled. What are some ways that you can seek fulfillment?
Find your gifts and creatively seek purpose.
For a gift from me, please check out https://purposechallenge.org/ and take The Purpose Challenge. This tool will help you refine your gifts and figure out how to use them.
Purpose is all about figuring out how to align your gifts with the ability to bless and uplift others. This is the first step!
Define your core values.
What core values do you have? I encourage you to journal about these. Defining your core values will probably give you a lot of insight into what you should be doing, who you should be working with and how.
For example, my core values are authenticity, relatability, integrity, and connection. These help shape my personal life and my business goals!
Identify your ideal day.
We are so quick to talk about what we don’t want, but it’s time to ask yourself what you do want. What lights you up?
I like to use a helpful exercise called Define Your Ideal Day. Write out the perfect day from the time you wake up until you go to bed. What do you do? What do you eat? Who do you see or not see? Why is this day so amazing?
Come to Redefining Wealth LIVE in Atlanta.
If you’re seeking community, resources, and tools, join me LIVE here in Atlanta Georgia for this incredible event. I cannot wait to see you there.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of Redefining Wealth!
Tune in next week for another episode.
That’s all for today –
Patrice
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