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Dr. Stacii Jae Johnson: Love Evolves

Our guest today is Dr. Stacii Jae Johnson – Author, actress, and dating and relationship coach. Dr. Stacii is the host of Oprah Winfrey Network’s Put a Ring on It

As the daughter and granddaughter of divorcées, Dr. Stacii spent her life trying to figure out how to make love work. Now, she teaches us three essential ways to show love for yourself, ultimately turning yourself into a magnet for the miraculous love and affection you seek. 

Tune in and hear how you might be driving away loving and caring men. Hear how you can take full ownership of your love life, by investing fully in your own self-love.

What does it mean to love yourself first?

Dr. Stacii is tired of the excuses. She doesn’t want to hear her clients claim that they’re not meeting quality people because they live in this city or that city. 

She frequently hears women who are exhausted and depleted saying that they’re tired of men being inconsistent. But these women are being inconsistent too – with themselves. 

Dr. Stacii believes that to truly receive quality love, you have to love yourself first. These three tips will help you cultivate your self-love, avoid the dating cliches, and find real love…

  1. Be the love you want to attract

It turns out that the number one secret to self-love is this: Make promises to yourself, and keep them. 

Do you love yourself? Do you see yourself for how wonderful, magical and divine you are? If so, why are you not treating yourself like a wonderful, magical and divine being?

Take responsibility for your life. Become the person you deserve to be. When you do, you’ll attract someone who has done that work for themselves too. The idea behind this tip is, you should not be asking for anything in a partner that you don’t work on for yourself. It’s unreasonable for you to chase after people who take care of themselves when you don’t show yourself love, care and respect. Be a person who lives your values.

According to Dr. Stacii, there is something in spirit that happens when you energetically show up ready for more.

  1. Do your shadow work.

We are light, and we are also darkness. Self-love does not mean ignoring the dark parts of yourself – it means facing them!

When you don’t face your traumas, doubts and burdens, they show up later. But they also show up in the people you attract. That’s right – like attracts like! 

Tell me if this sounds like you: You have met men who felt immediately familiar, and so attractive and charismatic. You felt like you had known them for your entire life. That might be because you have met parts of them before, in yourself or in people from your childhood. 

Not all familiarity is bad, but there’s something very powerful about this bond. It can be great at first, seemingly perfect even, then it will bring out the worst in both of you. It’s a downward spiral from there. 

If you want to stop attracting toxic partners, see a therapist, take care of yourself, take stock of all your parts and work through them. You will begin to attract better people.

  1. Stop limiting yourself!

Dr. Stacii has a quote in her book that really struck me. In fact, make sure you watch the video of this episode because I made her read it into the camera. It was: “Women give their most precious gift – monogamy – to men who have not yet proven that they are deserving.” Wow.

What does she mean by this? 

When it comes to love, be a mindful observer!

Instead of dating to be loved, desired and catered to, consider also who you like the most. What are their best traits? If you step back and look at them without rose-colored glasses, do you like what you see?

Women are often taught to try to be admired. But we should also ask – who do we admire?

This quote is frequently misunderstood. Laughing, Dr. Stacii shares that a woman proudly approached her to share that she had five men in her roster, right now. But this idea is not about collecting men or stringing them along. It’s about exploring, observing and learning more about yourself. Self-love in practice is purpose-driven. 

When you go on dates, what can you learn about this person?

When you begin a relationship, which parts of yourself are most prominent? Do you feel like yourself? Why or why not?

In your last relationship, what did you learn about yourself and your needs and desires?

Self-love truly attracts

Feminine energy is all about inspiring more connected and divine love. Dr. Stacii teaches her clients how to step fully into their feminine in order to shine brightly, find harmony and make love work. 

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