What if dating after divorce isn’t just about finding someone new… but discovering who you are now?
In this episode of the Redefining Wealth Podcast, Patrice Washington sits down with relationship coach, speaker, and author Mike Speaks for an honest conversation about healing after divorce, rediscovering yourself, and learning how to build healthier relationships without repeating old patterns.
As part of the Redefining Love 2.0 season, Patrice and Mike explore how faith, conditioning, and past relationships shape the way we approach love—and why healing sometimes requires unlearning everything we thought we knew.
Because dating after divorce isn’t just about choosing someone different. It’s about becoming someone who chooses differently.
In This Episode, You’ll Learn:
- Why dating after divorce requires rediscovering who you are
- How religious conditioning can influence your relationship choices
- The difference between chemistry and compatibility
- Why being alone is essential to understanding your needs
- How to maintain your standards without controlling every outcome
- Why over-functioning in dating can lead to self-abandonment
Rediscovering Yourself After Divorce
Mike opens up about getting married at 22, navigating a decade-long marriage, and eventually realizing he had built much of his identity around expectations that weren’t truly his.
After divorce, therapy and intentional self-reflection helped him begin separating who he was from the roles he had been conditioned to play.
Patrice shares a similar journey of learning who she is outside of marriage and romantic partnership.
Before you can choose a relationship that aligns with you, you have to know who you actually are.
When Faith and Conditioning Shape Love
One of the most revealing parts of the conversation explores how religious environments can influence our expectations of marriage.
Mike reflects on how church teachings and leadership shaped his early decisions, sometimes leaving little room to question what he genuinely wanted.
Through therapy, reading, and personal growth, he began giving himself permission to have emotions, question inherited beliefs, and develop his own values.
This connects deeply to the FAITH pillar, reminding us that spiritual growth can involve examining what we’ve been taught and choosing what genuinely aligns with our beliefs.
Chemistry Isn’t the Same as Compatibility
Just because a relationship works on paper doesn’t mean it feels right.
Mike shares how he entered another serious relationship after separating from his first wife, only to realize that convenience and compatibility weren’t enough to create the connection he desired.
Patrice reflects on a past relationship that offered beautiful chemistry but lacked the lifestyle compatibility needed to build a sustainable future.
The lesson?
A relationship can be meaningful without being the right relationship for your next season.
Stop Delegating Your Happiness
Another powerful theme is learning to meet your own needs before expecting someone else to fulfill them.
Mike shares how he learned to recognize what genuinely made him happy, while Patrice reflects on intentionally spending a year without dating to reconnect with herself.
This conversation beautifully highlights the PEOPLE and FIT pillars, reminding us that healthy relationships begin with understanding our emotional needs, personal practices, and capacity.
You can desire partnership without making another person responsible for your happiness.
Don’t Abandon Yourself to Keep a Relationship
Patrice shares how she once compromised her own sleep and rest routines because she enjoyed spending time with a romantic partner.
Although the connection was meaningful, consistently ignoring her personal governing decisions eventually came at a cost.
Mike also reflects on entering the dating world with what he calls “married energy”—over-giving, over-performing, and taking on responsibilities before a relationship had earned that level of commitment.
Both experiences reveal an important truth:
You can be loving, generous, and intentional without abandoning the practices that allow you to thrive.
Healing Changes How You Date
Dating after divorce isn’t about becoming so guarded that no one can get close.
It’s about trusting the work you’ve done, recognizing your patterns, and allowing new experiences to reveal what genuinely aligns.
Sometimes healing happens in solitude.
Other times, relationships themselves provide the information you need.
The goal isn’t to avoid every uncomfortable experience. It’s to approach dating with greater self-awareness, discernment, and the willingness to honor what you know.
About This Season: Redefining Love 2.0
This season of Redefining Wealth is dedicated to redefining what love really means — beyond romance and into how we love ourselves, others, God, and the lives we’re creating.
We’re exploring what it looks like to love without leaving yourself behind — through relationships, self-trust, reciprocity, obedience, and the Six Pillars of Wealth. Subscribe and journey with us as we learn to love without self-abandonment and honor who we are becoming.
Start With Clarity
🧭 Take the 2-Minute Pillar Quiz to discover which pillar needs your attention in this season:
https://patricewashington.com/quiz
📱 Join the FREE Redefining Wealth App (community, book club, and weekly LIVE sessions with Patrice):
https://patricewashington.com/redefining-wealth-app/
💛 Explore Pillar Mastery
https://pillarmastery.com
🎓 Join the Waitlist to The Institute for Redefining Wealth:
https://redefiningwealth.institute/
🎟️ Join the waitlist to Redefining Wealth LIVE
www.redefiningwealthlive.com
📘 Download the Six Pillars Cheat Sheet: https://patricewashington.com/6pillars
Follow Mike Speaks on Social Media:
Instagram: @Mike_Speaks2
Website: mikespeaks2.com
Subscribe & Review
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And if this episode spoke to you, please leave a review. Your review helps more women discover conversations that support healing, alignment, and a more peaceful relationship with money.
